Love is the most complex version of selfishness a human being can feel. You want a whole other person to exclusively be yours. You don’t want to force them into it, because that wouldn’t be real. You want them to WANT you.
Teenagers are the only people who can truly feel this. A one-sided rapport with the idea of a person. Sometimes it could very well be the real thing, you fall for someone because of their soul, the looks that made you notice them in the first place just becomes a bonus in comparison to the privilege of their company. Withered and weathered adults on the other hand never suffer from it. They wear a cloak of cynicism and callousness and call it; Maturity. There is a reason the expression is called “Falling in Love” you fall when you lose control, you fall when you’re not prepared; otherwise, it would’ve been called “getting into love” or “jumping into love” or arranged marriage.
Navigating the beginning stages of courtship is a delicate balance; you must be open but not burdensome, you must retain distance while judging how close you could actually be to this person. The hardest part of thusly is not letting your heart paint pictures for your mind to dwell on. You must focus on the here and now and see them as a lone figure, not the idea of what you want both of you to be. Be careful of loving someone who seems too mysterious or wrapped up in their own lives. What they narrate as a series of unfortunate events could very well turn out to be a personality defect or worse still; sociopathic emotional defence mechanisms.
Be careful of where you go looking for love and be especially careful of those you want to love unconditionally. Expecting someone to love you back just because you feel for them is like expecting a tiger to not eat you because you have never eaten a tiger. It may seem counter-intuitive at this point since one cannot control the vector of their fall. You can, however, shift your attitude and your perspective. Plummeting towards the ground at terminal velocity with a smile on your face isn’t an appealing metaphor. Out of all the choices that are available to you, these are the most internal of mechanisms. Falling, much like unrequited love is a one-way relationship.
In this impermanent and ephemeral world, the only true certainty is entropy. Now you can scream your head-off and act completely unlike yourself. The alternative recourse; with the last moments of your comprehension of the impending impact, you can turn, look at the sky and remember the person you are. We all would benefit intensely if we could master the art of having our entire life flash before our eyes. What most of us think are our memories are actually just a story we tell ourselves about who we are. Remember, you have never met yourself, you have no true measure of knowing what your first impression on other people is. More of us would be better informed for our first contact with potential romantic interest if we could meet ourselves in person instead of just seeing us in pictures and reflections.
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